I stopped dreaming

            I am one of those  who grew up without a father but I always had my heavenly father (Jehovah).Growing up wasn't easy.

 

            I remember when I was ten years old every single kid that I knew was outside playing with their toys. Me, I had a journal and a pen to express how I felt and wrote everything that I was going through. It wasn't because I didn't have any toys but simply because my life was just different than the rest. At that time I was sad, fragile and jealous of my friends because they always told me everything nice about their fathers and how much they liked to fall asleep in their father's arm.
 
            At 13 I already felt old, because I'd been waiting for my father every day, waited for an excuse like: why he left? He never came back. That made me question my mother every time to have some explanation about my father's absence but I always got the same story.'' He was tired of us, he decided to leave one day and marry to another woman''. which is make him the guilty one every time. Every day, I wrote a poem about him, how sad I was, how I wanted to see him, even pictured the day I would see him. Sometimes I dream about him, My mom always said that we looked alike so many times I stood in front of the mirror just thinking of his face, I stood there for so long that my feet hurt.

 

           At 17 I realized that I had to move on and I became the strongest, most resilient person that you will ever meet. I melt down so many times but those tears made me who I am today, you have to be weak to know your strength, you have to go down to know how to get up. I have learned a lot like: we can't force people to be in our lives, life is a journey we have to do it with people who wants to be part of it. After my father left my mom has been remarried to a very nice and lovely man when I was 3 years old. His name is Remy, He loves and raised me like his own. All those times I had an amazing father next to me I never noticed that. Nobody in this world could never be a better father than him(stepfather) .

           I have my life together now, today I don't dream I live the reality I don't write poems anymore but I conserve those that I wrote just to remind myself of how far I have come. Like they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. After all that I've been through I may not know the purpose of everything in my life but I know one thing for sure, I was not built to break!!!